12/09/09
Wingman
My favorite part of this new blog design is the tag line: “Choose a destination, run fast.” The only problem is me not having a destination.
I spend a lot of time writing about my boys. This blog may become the longest book ever written, and if the climax is Toby and Charlie’s passage into adulthood I’m gonna go ahead and delete myself from your Google reader to spare you the ennui. Being a mom is the purest part of me, the easiest cause to wholly pledge myself, but I want to give more to my kids than devotion. I want my boys to see meaning beyond themselves. I will have to show them in my own life.
Recently I met with some girlfriends to talk about our purposes. We are over the cusp of thirty, and bubbling with energy and passion. If we blink once we will be forty, ten years spent on something. What will it be? Micro-managing our kids? Jogging the saddle bags off our thighs? Twitter? We decided to figure out God’s plan before we are blinded by our own busyness.
After our meeting, the mystery of my purpose itched around in my brain, clouded by all my failed ventures. You know how there are people that can touch anything and have success? I’m the opposite. I can throw myself head first into something and ferociously tank it. I’m not an awesome runner despite years of dedicated training. I’m not a good salesperson, marketer, or administrator. I liked my blog so I went all the way and bought my own domain just as my traffic plunged downtown. I’m like Abe Lincoln, but without the final redemption of being President.
I dreamed out some really fun destinies, but they all required a great turn of fate and conveniently culminated with my own personal success.
Do you remember Andi Hawkins? They are building a theme park in Orlando based on her best-selling fantasy novels. Weren’t the characters so engaging?! I heard she is donating all of the profits to World Vision. Isn’t she a complete inspiration? Or…Can you believe Andi Hawkins was the first woman to ever win a marathon while pushing a baby jogger? She is on the cover of Runner’s World eating whey protein brownies with her two super-happy kids. Isn’t she such an awesome role model for healthy motherhood? I’m following her on Twitter…
Dreaming made me feel bad for how little I have actually achieved. There are so many things I haven’t started–things I haven’t finished. My under-performance slumped over my shoulders like regret.
“God what do you have for me to do?” A thought came to me. I stared at the mirror wondering if I would be satisfied with my life if I were just a wingman. What if I were made to support others– never destined for greatness, for fame, for glory? What if it were just me and my big mouth speaking life into my friends as we walk unceremoniously toward heaven? Would I look back in ten years unashamed?
I got excited. I thought of all the people around me, and the joy I feel enoucarging them, praying for them. God’s breath filled the space I carved for my own glory and I welled over with peace.
What better purpose could I teach my boys? Toby and Charlie, I want to see you move mountains, but don’t be deceived. There is nothing unsatisfying in the sky God opens for you. It might look plain before you take off, but when His wind lifts your wings you won’t even care if it makes you invisible.
Tags: Believing God, Destination, Leadership, Motherhood
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mmm that makes me happy! i love it when God begins to show purposes and identities! i have been really hung up on all of that myself as of late. i struggled with being around andrea and ryan who are amazing designers and then i am ok but i don’t feel like i excel at it. i am good at a lot of things but not amazing at any one thing…and i am beginning to see how it is ok. that that is the way God made me. he has a purpose in that. yay!!!!
Love this my friend!! I am so thankful for the things that God has purposed for your amazing heart! Your encouragement, prayers, words of life and truth have been God-breathed into my life on many occasions. But, I do think that it’s ok to still dream about that fantasy wonderland with all of your brilliantly written characters, too!
I love you so friend. i heard someone speak about someone else’s success recently. they mumbled something like “well there goes his 15 minutes of fame.” and it’s true. the big things come and the big things go. what you’re building around you and letting God build through you is far more worthy of acclaim. we just don’t see the finished piece yet.
but when you’re themepark is built, i want freebies.
That is awesome girlfriend! So well put and simply sums up the corner of a lesson the Lord has been trying to teach me. Thanks for speaking through this post. First time I’ve hopped over here and I will be back!
Really really really really enjoyed this post. So encouraging to me! Thank you Andi, my long-lost, never-met, sister in Christ in Texas.
[...] speak to most of you my sweet 3 maybe 4 faithful readers:) So go check out Andi Hawkins at The Running Mama and her take on Wingman. I just know you’ll love it:) I’ll be back before [...]
I totally get it, Andi. Recently I came to a place where God asked me if He was enough. If all I ever had was Him, would I be happy with my life. As I was humbled and answered Him yes, everything else appeared as such a blessing. My husband, my boys, my family, my friends, my house, my neighbours, my writing. It’s like the story of Abraham and Isaac – I really don’t like that story – but all God wanted to know was where Abraham’s true loyalty was directed. Once God KNEW Abraham was solely devoted to Him and His purposes, He blessed Abraham with descendants as numerous as the grains of sand or the stars in the sky. He’s put desires and dreams in your heart for a reason – to glorify Him and to bless you. And for sure He’ll show you, when His timing is perfect, what you are supposed to do with those dreams and desires. And it starts with what’s right in front of you – your family, friends, your world. Blessings on you today as you go about living God’s will right where you are.
Andi, you mean so much to me! You bring such depth to our conversation everytime I see you. Thank you for being more to me that just a “friend”. For being an encourager, friend and someone who loves her God and isn’t ashamed of it. Love you!
Awesome. I’ll have to add this to DeeperMoments.ca too for sure! Funny that we have differently come to similar thoughts… After being determined that he was to re-entering full-time ministry, my husband’s change of career paths in paramedicine as well as a series of events had us both realize that we are exactly where God wants us… in a unique position to pour into many people who are doing amazing things in ministry… we are surrounded by friends in full-ime ministry in various capacities… I too have gotten fired up about my recent realization that God wants to use us to walk alongside and encourage many as they toil away. Many blessings to you in the New Year my friend!
When I was young I dreamed of may successes in my life. I thought I would accomplish much and be rememberred for positively impacting the world, statues built in my honor. I would be a household name. I never accomplished those things, God gave me something (or someone) that exceeded my early dreams. My success is you and your sister.