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Asking Toby what he wants to be for Halloween is the last thing I should do the week before Halloween. Yet there I was yesterday morning, blurting the question very open-endedly as if the world were his costume oyster. Costumes stump me every year. Maybe because I wait until the last minute, or maybe because Toby loves anything unorthodox [...]
My kids are prone to odd maladies that lack medical urgency, yet still astonish and disgust everyone in their vicinity. Take barfing for example. To this day Toby is the only toddler I have ever seen be personally delivered to his parents in the middle of church service by a gagging, vomit-covered child-care volunteer. If [...]
I can’t think. I can’t think. I am doing a load of whites. I am making sandwiches. I am gluing decorations for the coffee social at church. No, actually, I am slathering Vick’s Vapo-Rub under Charlie’s snot-soaked t-shirt while peanut butter and scrapbook paper and dirty socks sputter through my cranial mess of smoldering, sparking [...]
Booger-nose is running through the house with a yellow yard stick, swinging it around like he is a ninja. Oh wait… no, he’s a railroad crossing and a train is coming. He grasps the yard stick end with both hands and down it goes, “ding, ding, ding”. It is just so exciting that I must [...]
“Stop looking at me Charlie. Stop looking at me Charlie. Mommy make Charlie stop looking at meeeeeee.” “If you don’t look at him, he won’t look at you,” I say as I flip down the visor mirror and make sure it is really me talking and not my mother. “Say ‘Stop it!’ to Charlie. Why [...]
I ate a ham and cheese panini in a little cafe on the edge of Southlake Town Center. I had already been to the doctor that morning and told it was not time, see you next week. My friend Jerri sat across from me making idle conversation while I pouted about my inhumane state of [...]
You should try it some time. Its really fun. I got some this morning and I was all like that was awesome right after my dentist made a porthole in my tooth deep enough to catch the men’s water polo semi-final in Beijing. I’m just kidding. About it being awesome that is… I think he [...]
His truck is a work of art. A gigantic, belching, rank, marvel of lever technology. It has a claw. An enormously frightening, squeaking, crunching claw. I am postively riveted. Fascinated, really. I love the groaning engine, the hissing brakes, the smack of the bin against the hungry chomping mouth. I love the way it gobbles [...]
Actually, she lives down the street. I am not sure what manner of charms she imposed on Toby or if it is just her gloriously shiny blond hair, but he has suddenly become the pre-school version of George Clooney, flaunting three whole years of sophistication around the driveway on his swanky red trike. He held [...]
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